What is a Swinger?

Ok, that's the official definition but can you elaborate a little?

Swingers, or those who are "in the Lifestyle" are individuals who engage in recreational sex with people other than their spouse or significant other. The difference between having an affair or "cheating," and swinging is that in the Lifestyle your spouse or significant other knows about, and almost always participates in the activity.

Swingers come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and economic levels. They may be your neighbors, friends, members of your church, or even your coworkers. They are discreet about what they do and do not consider it morally wrong. If they didn't tell you that they were swingers, you would probably never have a clue.

In the past, swingers were generally middle age or approaching that stage in life. Most were in long term successful relationships and confident that their connections to their partners were based on more than sex. Swinging allowed them to spice up their sex lives and also helped them confirm that others still found them sexually attractive.

These days, swingers are younger and older than ever before. Changes in Society's definition of what constitutes a committed relationship; combined with the fact that today's AARP members exercise, eat right, and take full advantage of modern anit-aging options, have allowed the swing age range to expand in both directions.

Hollywood has made it culturally acceptable for couples to forego marriage, while still maintaining long term committed relationships. More and more celebrities are having children and maintaining households together without entering into matrimony. Today's twenty and thirty somethings are, therefore, more open to the idea that sex is one thing and committment is another.

And one need only look at Susan Sarandon or Marilu Henner to confirm that today's "older women" are sexy to the end. Likewise, the over 40 swing population are generally body conscious, young thinking, and physically active. The result is that they remain in the Lifestyle well into their 50s and even older. Further more, they are surprisingly sought-after by younger swingers.

Why would anyone want to swing?

Why do people subscribe to Playboy or Playgirl? Why are Fredericks of Hollywood and Victoria's Secret so popular? Why do average Americans buy sex toys and adult videos? Spicing up your sex life is healthy and helps keep a marriage from becoming stale. Swingers just take that a step further.They include others in their sex lives.

The interesting thing about swinging is that it is usually the male partner's idea, but once a couple gets involved in the Lifestyle it quickly becomes evident that the women are in charge.

Western culture accepts male sexuality. Men are even encouraged to gain a little sexual experience before "settling down." Women who do the same are culturally shunned to some degree.

But once a woman accepts the idea of swinging and begins to experiment, she is often surprised to discover that she has more sexual options than her male partner. Couples want to be with her. Single males want to be with her. And bisexual females want to be ther her. And by the way, bisexuality amoung swinging females is high because it is acceptable within the community; and because once a women begins to set herself free, sexually, she is more likely to explore fantasies she previously deemed taboo.

Much to the vexation of male members of the swing community, single females are rare in the Lifestyle. Thus, swing options for men are less abundant than they are for women.

Isn't swinging bound to become a threat to a marriage?

As long as individuals are in the Lifestyle just for the sex, the answer is no. In fact, most swingers are uncommonly open and honest with their spouse or significant other, because there is no reason to cheat or lie. Extra marital sex is allowed as long as both parties are truthful and frank about what they're doing.

It is, however, extremely important that swinging couples engage in frequent, candid discussions about what they're doing and how each party feels about the activities. Typically, a couple will experiment with a very low level of sexual play in the beginning. One or both parties will usually desire further exploration as time goes by. It is essential that couples respect the rules that have been established, and expand the horizons only after the rules have been amicably revised.

Most but not all swingers desire some level of friendship with their swing playmates. Generally, people are more comfortable having sex with people they know and like. Healthy swingers distinguish between having recreational sex with friends, and having a relationship with the opposite spouse.

Alright! We've thought this over, we've talked, we're fascinated by the idea of swinging and we want to try it! We've done our homework and we are ready to jump in with both feet! Yessiree! We genuinely want to give this a whirl!

So . . . Ummmmmm . . . Where can we find some swingers?

There are 3 fundamental ways to connect with swingers:

1. At bars and nightclubs
2. Online via Lifestyle or Swing boards
3. At Lifestyle conventions, events, and at swing clubs

Admittedly, the first approach is not for the timid. Nevertheless, in this issue we will outline and discuss the public approach. Subsequent issues will touch on options 2 and 3.

Even if you're familiar with the idioms and verbal nuances of the Lifestyle, it can be difficult to determine with any certainty whether a flirty exchange indicates that the target is actually a swinger, or just a flirt. (SHAMELESS PLUG ALERT: as the 796437 wristbands catch on, this will be less and less of a problem!)

But, for the especially bold - for those who love the thrill of the chase - the challenge of picking up potential partners in a public place is an adventure unto itself. The hunt is a kick! The possibility of converting a "vanilla" is utterly exhilarating! And yet the risk of being "exposed" is, at once, absolutely alluring and positively scary!

But how to you approach a potential swing target in a public venue?

Before we answer that question, we have to address the query that is first and foremost in the mind of novices. If you're new to swinging, you're probably asking "Vanilla? What's that?" That is the term swingers use for g-rated friends.

If your response is, "I would unquestionably die on the spot if a g-rated person figured me out!" then you whould probably explore options 2 or 3, which will be addressed in subsequent issues. However, if you're still intrigued, read on.

First, it may be helpful to know that there mainstream dance and nightclubs that attract high numbers of swingers on any give night. Members of the Lifestyle community select these establishments because they have discovered that the management will tolerate discreet sexual play. Finding these clubs is problematic until you are already an insider. But you can assume that some of the wilder hot spots may be Lifestyle friendly.

Once you've found a place that looks promising, watch the crowd. Watch groups of couples who are dancing and sitting together. If there appears to be a game of musical laps going on, chances are they are swingers. Another possible clue is when the women are observed kissing one another - not a sisterly peck on the cheek kind of kissing, but sensual kissing.

Now it's up to you. You can watch or you can join in. If they're not swingers, at least they're flirty and fun.

Of course you may be rejected, either because you misjudged the situation or because the group is closed, or because they just don't find you attractive. It's the same game men play when picking up women at a bar. You watch your target, you read the signs, you move in and you let fate take its course.

So if this all sounds like a lot of fun, happy hunting! And please DO write to us and let us know about your adventures! We would love to publish your first person accounts.

But if this is clearly not your style, stay tuned. In the next issue we will cover options 2 and 3 Keep checking back for more information!

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